2003-01-14 --- 12:10 a.m.
their guns are pointed at me; their guns are pointed at you

obviously i've all but abandoned the 500 words daily project. and i feel like a huge, pathetic failure for it. but sometimes there just aren't words, you know? and sometimes there just aren't enough words, because of the whole essay thing; and then sometimes there are too many words that i can barley even think about their meaning, let alone share publicly.

i'm sorry if i've broken any hearts.

so, now what to do? i've thought about scrapping this place. saving all the entries to a disk and deleting the site. but, no. we all know what an attention-whore i am, so that won't do at all. scrap what is here of the months worth of 500 and start over again? but i think some of what i wrote/shared is really important. at least a couple entries are.

so i'm going to archive what's here, make this private and randomly do 500 words. because this place, for some reason, compels me to open up a hell of a lot more than moon-ridden. probably because moon-ridden gets quite a few more hits.

i don't know what i want, really. i want so much to keep myself this public. i've met some amazing people on the net because of my journalling- and even moreso, the actual journals have been very good freinds. and i don't want to close that door, yet. i'm not ready to. and livejournal simply isn't enough for me. i'm (haHA!) rather tradional when it comes to online journalling. livejournal is taking the place of my blog...but i still need a place to come and really work out my thoughts.

maybe it's just that i'm too damn stubborn and don't know when to shut up, already.

regardless, this makes me really sad.